Kansas Senior Press Service News ArticlesKansas Senior Press Service News ArticlesBy Beverly Sheldon
Kansas Senior Press Service
Author’s note: I sent this to family and friends on my 60th birthday as a way of celebrating this stage of life.
I’m watching my grandchildren run through the sprinkler and catch their breath as the cold drops of water tap their swimsuit-clad bodies, and I remember that feeling of exhilaration as if it were yesterday. That startling sense of wonder suddenly requires me to join them in the running and the screaming. It isn’t a thoughtful decision to join them; it’s a calling from my soul that says this summer ritual is not about age — it’s about delight and the freedom to be who I am at the moment.
The little girl in me remembers how my heart beat with excitement the first day of kindergarten, when my parents took me to school and then left me on my own, trusting me to manage by myself. I remember the anxious anticipation of making new friends, hoping to be chosen hall leader or star-of-the-day. I know that anticipation now as I think about what I will do with the rest of my life, hoping I will choose a path that allows me to be my own “star” and a mentor for the younger ones watching. I remember my father’s advice as he took me to college my freshman year: “Don’t let your studies interfere with your education.” As I choose the next step, I must remember what is important in life.
I remember the slumber parties, the laughter, the high school and college experiences, the fun, the fears. I remember believing life could be no better than the night I sat on top of a haystack, in awe of the sky, and tried to touch the moon. Now that feeling comes again in the moments I sit as a therapist, in awe of the human spirit, honoring the people in front of me and trying to touch their souls.
I remember looking out the window of my parents’ home at age 16 and watching a beautiful sunset. Coming out of that moment, I felt I had been somewhere above the usual. That feeling has come again many times — as I watched the birth of my children, held my grandchildren for the first time, and witnessed the passing of my mother. Those moments were transforming.
I remember my first friend, and all the family and friends who have woven their rich threads of love and friendship into the tapestry of my life. Still today I feel their support, love, and vibrant caring.
I remember going from student to wage earner to college instructor and therapist. The breath I took before each change was as deep as the breath of the 2-year-old running toward the sprinkler.
My eyes no longer have 20/20 vision, but I plan to continue seeing the awe of life from behind the eyeglass rims. My hair has changed in color, but it still fills my favorite hats just perfectly. My body can no longer win track meets, but it still feels the joy of new challenges.
Today I am 60. As I watch the outer parts of me change, our culture spends much time reminding me that I am aging and then charges me great prices to look like I’m not. We spend so much time looking for the secret of being young that we forget it is inside us all the while. My birthday gift to myself will be to remember who I am.
“I look in the mirror and am always surprised to see I’m 80,” my mother used to say, “for I always think of myself as 35.”
I now know what she meant. I remember jumping on the bed, water fights, lemonade stands, writing my first story, and baking my first 4-H muffins. I remember my first kiss, my second kiss, and all the rest that followed. I remember my first store-bought dress, my first blue ribbon, my first job at age 15. I remember as each dream was fulfilled — of being a wife, a mom, a grandma, a therapist, a teacher, a lover, a friend. I also remember the disappointments and the difficult times, and realize I made it through those, as well.
I am the 2-, 5-, 10-, 14-, 20-, 30-, 40-, and 50-year-old all in one. I am reminded of Russian nesting dolls, one within another. I am all of those dolls, and today, as I turn 60, I add another layer, another doll over the rest. Sixty isn’t so hard when I remember what has filled the years before. I love the old dolls and I look forward to the new ones. You see, the dolls are all the same, except the little one is the oldest and the most recent one is the youngest. Age is a matter of illusion.
On this day of turning 60, I know I will continue to have water fights with the grandchildren and jump with them on the bed. I will still serve dessert before dinner, stop to cherish the souls of others, and listen to the needs of my own. Right now my soul is saying Work with clay, paint a picture, plant a garden, write a book, go for ice cream. It’s saying Take a risk, love large, and continue to dance in the yard on full-moon nights.
I’m taking a deep breath and making a run for it. Ready or not, here I come!
Beverly Sheldon is a mental health therapist in private practice in Overland Park. She teaches part time in a graduate counseling program at Webster University.
By Joe Padavic
Kansas Senior Press Service
OK, it’s time to get out the to-do list. And there it still is, the last item, the one that’s worked its way down to the very end (or you put it down there because it’s such a daunting task). #126: Organize family photos!
First, you have to ask yourself, “What’s in it for me?” Other than spending hours of your precious time looking at old photos and going through the emotions of seeing your grown child as a baby in your arms, or relatives who have moved on to a happier place, or even that famous picture of you naked on the changing table, there’s a good reason: You’ll be preserving the current quality of your images to pass on to future generations.
Are you on your way to protecting your family’s visual history? Are your photos organized and neatly filed, by date, with all the people identified? Are they semi-organized, at least stored in archival-grade boxes with some identification? Or are you still keeping your photos, good or bad, in the developer’s envelopes with their negatives?
I’ll limit this article to preserving images taken during the last 50 years. Anything older may need special attention.
The first task is to gather what you have. Then ask yourself, “What images am I going to keep?” This weeding out is done by creating “yes-no” piles. It’s a simple process of looking at your photos and deciding which you’ll keep and which you’ll discard. It’s tough, but don’t reminisce. That’s what makes the task laborious.
How you handle your materials is important. Dirt and oils from your hands cause permanent damage. Hold your photos and negatives along the edges or wear inexpensive cotton gloves. Use a product like PEC-12 photo wash to clean dirt and fingerprints from photos. Also, note that you should not store negatives with photos. Separate the negatives and designate a place to keep them safe.
The second task is identifying the subject of a photograph. Write as many details as possible on the back. It’s the old “who, what, where, when” scenario. Any other information, such as descriptions of occasions, will be appreciated by those who might own the photo in the future. Have appropriate utensils to write gently on the back. Use only pens or markers made specifically for photos, and make sure the ink is dry before stacking photos. As a last resort, use a #2 soft-lead pencil.
Once the dates have been identified, put the photos in order within a category you choose: chronologically, vacations, birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, or special events.
Next, consider your storage options. Improperly storing photos can cause all types of problems down the road. Glue, tape, staples, rubber bands, and paper clips cause deterioration, stains, scratches, and dents. Wood and wood products, such as cardboard and paper, harm photographs and should only be used if labeled “acid-free” and “lignin-free.”
One consideration is how often you want to view your photos. If rarely, invest in archival-grade photo boxes and insert acid-free separation papers between each photo. For occasional viewing, use albums or three-ring binders. Both can hold plastic sheets with pockets of varying sizes. If you purchase albums that come with their own pages, make sure the pages are archival-grade and note how the photos are to be attached. The best solution is to purchase storage materials from a reputable supplier.
Now you must find a place to store your photos. Temperature, humidity and light are the three enemies of photographic materials. Your basement and attic are poor storage spots. Instead, store your photos in 65- to 70-degree temperatures and 30 to 50 percent relative humidity. The best place to find this is a bank safe-deposit box or a climate-controlled storage facility. If you’re storing them at home, store them in a place where you are comfortable: not too hot, not too cold. A good place is an interior closet where no furnace or chimney will share a back wall.
Water and fire will damage photos, so keep them away from heaters, fireplaces or anyplace prone to excessive heat or leaks. Avoid storing photos on the floor, as insects and rodents are attracted to photographic materials.
Even framing should be done with care. Cut out the center of a mat board to prevent photos from touching the glass and use appropriate backboards to inhibit deterioration. For special photos, have a few copies made of the original and display a copy. After a few years, take the copy out. If it’s faded, throw it away and replace it with another copy.
It’s really a pretty simple process, and the benefits greatly outweigh the effort. When you’re finished, it’s time to reminisce and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Current and future generations will benefit, as well.
Joe Padavic is owner of Teardrop Video, www.teardropvideo.com.
By Don Carter
Kansas Senior Press Service
In the building assessment business, we periodically see senior adults preparing to leave their home of many years to downsize, move to maintenance-by-others facilities, or seek assisted living. Our involvement typically begins when the home they are selling is flawed and a realty agent, appraiser or lender requires that the home be certified for safety and code compliance.
Nearly all home transactions now require a document known as a “disclosure statement,” a checklist form on which the sellers are required to disclose home flaws of which they are aware. The problem is that the seller, often having limited mobility, does not know the home’s flaws — especially those in unreachable places such as the foundation, basement walls, roof or exterior water control. In this case, disclosure can easily become a driver of unnecessary expenses without a set of eyes to differentiate what is relevant and what isn’t. A few contractors, through ignorance or greed, will find a long list of flaws from which they recommend repairs that go way beyond what is needed.
For example, a high percentage of basement walls crack as a result of soil movement. Kansas soils are seasonally active, so most area homes have at least a few small cracks. Up to a certain limit, these cracks are acceptable and require no corrective action. But since a disclosure statement typically instructs the seller to check “yes” or “no” to acknowledge basement cracks, “yes” can lead to a quick conclusion that something must be done. If the seller calls the wrong repair company, its contractors will wholeheartedly agree that something must be done.
Of course there are many honest repair contractors who will only do as they are asked, but that can be a problem, too, because the senior seller often does not know what to ask for. Moreover, once inside the house, a contractor may notice additional things that need repair (legitimate and honest observations). But if these findings are not related to safety, code violations or condition of sale, they can probably be ignored, just as they have been for many years.
There are no perfect houses! When a home reaches a certain age, buyers are not expecting perfection. Given an attractive price, buyers are often very tolerant of imperfection. My advice to sellers is to leave superficial repairs for the new owners, who will want things done to their own standards and tastes anyway. When sellers can trade a small reduction in asking price to avoid hasty and potentially unnecessary fix-up, both sides win.
Of course the key here is knowledge: knowing which problems are serious enough to veto a sale and which aren’t. We are starting to see last fall’s mortgage fiasco driving increased scrutiny among appraisers and lenders, making them sensitive to flaws they may have ignored a year ago. An experienced realty agent should have a pretty good idea which flaws need fixing and which can wait for the new owner. Ask around to find an agent with the service history to know this business, or e-mail me for input.
Don Carter is a licensed structural engineer and managing general partner of Foundation Engineering Specialists, LLC, a company specializing in residential design and assessments: don@fdnengineering.com.
These articles are also available electronically at the Center on Aging Website: http://www2.kumc.edu/coa/Senior_Press_Article/Topic_Index.htm