Kansas Senior Press Service News ArticlesKansas Senior Press Service News ArticlesBy Kansas Senior Press Service
When parents grow older and need increasing care, the adult children often transition into the role of caregiver. In recent years, expressions such as “role reversal” and “parenting the parent” have commonly been used to describe this transition.
However, some experts on aging question the use of these terms.
According to Beverly Pfeiffer, of the University of Missouri Outreach and Extension Elderly-Focused Base Program Team, “The notion that child and parent are ‘reversing roles’ reflects misconceptions about aging and caregiving. Experts on aging suggest we reframe our thinking about dependence and independence in terms of accepting another stage of development in life, rather than role reversal. This can help caregivers to accept a parent’s need for help without treating them as children, either in action or tone.”
Accepting change in the parent-child relationship is part of the caregiving process. It can be a difficult transition for a child to assume the role of decision-maker, whether it involves ensuring that medication is being taken and that a loved one is eating well, discussing difficult driving decisions, helping to arrange for support services, or intervening when it may no longer be safe or desirable for a parent to live alone.
So, while the roles may not reverse, they do change. This realization may generate many emotions in both the older parent and the adult child. These emotions need to be recognized, acknowledged and discussed.
Promoting comfort in conversation
When talking to someone who is sitting in a chair or a wheelchair or lying in bed, sit down or move into a position that allows eye contact. This is less tiring for the person you’re speaking with, who then does not have to look up at you to converse.
Prepare a person for what is next
Take time to talk to and reassure the people you are helping or visiting by letting them know what is going to happen next. Describe what you are doing and clarify what you expect them to do.
Even routine actions that are performed a dozen times a day may cause a care receiver to startle, become anxious or get upset. For example, “scripting” is valuable when helping with positional transfers, assisting with personal care, pushing someone who uses a wheelchair, on community outings, and during social gatherings with relatives and friends.
Thanks to Gail Yelenek, respite care coordinator at Village Presbyterian Church in Prairie Village, KS, for this information.
By Jim Rawdon
Kansas Senior Press Service
You don’t know what retirement will be like until you get there. I imagined that my wife and I would travel. First we’d drive around the perimeter of the country. South along the Rio Grande and the Gulf of Mexico. East from Key West, Fla., to northern Maine. North along the Canadian Border through Montana’s Big Sky Country to Seattle on Puget Sound. Finally over 1,500 miles down U.S. 101 along the Pacific Ocean through Washington, Oregon, and California to the Baja Peninsula.
After that, I dreamed, we’d go to London to see the British Museum, to the Vatican to see its 400 pieces of the world’s best sculpture, and to India with its incredible variety of peoples, foods, religions, and sites.
Unfortunately, a couple of events hit those dreams in the head — a disabling bicycle accident for me and dementia for my wife, both when we were still several years short of retirement. In addition, I doubt we could afford those trips. (We did get to drive up the Pacific Coast Highway before I figured that out.)
So, what’s the solution when your traveling days are ove r— or, as in our case, never get off the ground? Bitter regret? Wallowing in self-pity? Those were temptations for us, especially after learning that one woman in our church choir has seen more than a hundred countries. But to me, self-pity and regret are a waste of life and energy. Recently I’ve discovered better options.
The Internet
When I overheard that a friend named June had grown up as a missionary’s daughter in India, I asked where. She said, “Oh, a place nobody’s ever heard of: Baitalpur.”
She was right; I’d never heard of it. But when I searched through the Google search engine, I discovered that it was in the Chhattisgarh district of east-central India. At the top of the Google page were choices of images, maps, news, shopping, mail, and more. When I pressed one listing, 12 choices dropped down. The first was videos. Clicking on it brought dozens of videos of the area, including a Hindu guru leading worship and village children playing in the streets while their elders watched.
My doctor is from India. When I asked where he grew up, he said Hyderabad. Using the same “googling” process, I found video scenes of traffic on Hyderabad roads (dangerous beyond belief). A crowded conglomeration of bicycles, motorized rickshaws, buses, and cars speed along using the same road at once. Another video showed Hitech City in Hyderabad, India’s version of our Silicon Valley. When I mentioned these finds at my next doctor’s visit, he beamed that his patient had researched his distant homeland. Our rapport quickly deepened.
One day in the morning paper, I saw a story about Tall Afar in Iraq. The article explained how that area had been cleared of insurgents the year before, but now was in danger of being reinfested with them. I snatched up my laptop and googled “Tall Afar, Iraq,” and found videos of street fighting and roadside bombs exploding as recently as two weeks ago.
So the Internet is one way to see places to which you can’t travel. And computer stores sell connections that enable you to view what’s available over the Internet on your television. The monster-size TVs that are being sold today make viewing videos almost like being there.
Videotapes and DVDs
If you have a VCR or DVD player, your local library has free tapes or discs that allow you to see places you’d like to visit but can’t. This weekend I watched a videotape of villages in Afghanistan. Snow blanketed the surrounding mountains. Villagers prepared a meager stew — meager because of drought and attacks by the Taliban. But the limited feast was an annual Muslim observance to celebrate the end of Ramadan and the celebration of Eid. Viewing the snow-covered mountains and small mud-brick homes and businesses enabled me to understand what American and NATO forces will be dealing with this winter.
A two-video collection titled “The Vatican Revealed” partially satisfied my desire to view the many artistic marvels of the Vatican — the dome of St. Peter’s Basilica, Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel ceiling, and even the likely burial site of St. Peter, which archeologists uncovered in recent years.
Did you know that there are dozens of pyramids in Africa outside of Egypt? I didn’t, until I watched “Wonders of the African World.” That’s a three-video set that shows every country in Africa, produced by Henry Gates Jr., a professor at Harvard University and the great-grandson of American slaves.
The Smithsonian Institution sells videotapes of countries and famed travel sites at www.videocollection.com, or you can request a free catalog by calling 800-538-5856. For example, the Smithsonian offers seven videotapes that display areas of Mexico and unveil its cultural makeup. The same possibility is available through National Geographic at http://shop.nationalgeographic.com, or by calling for its catalog at 800-437-5521.
One of my dreams was a train trip across Canada from Vancouver to Toronto, looking out at forests and snow-capped mountains from comfortable, padded viewing chairs. Another dream was a cruise to Alaska up the Inside Passage. Two of National Geographic’s videotapes are “The Great Canadian Train Ride” and “Alaska’s Inside Passage.” Each costs less than $20.
When a friend retired, I gave him the book 1,000 Places to See Before You Die. Few of us would live long enough to go to all those places. Just trying would probably knock us off before we could finish! But for less than $15, National Geographic offers a video version of the book.
Television
Besides the Internet and bought or borrowed videotapes, television — especially cable — is another way to travel. Tony Bourdain’s cooking shows on the Travel Channel have allowed me to glimpse Rajasthan in northwest India, the crowded streets of Mumbai, and even Indian cricket matches and provincial horse races. Programs on the Discovery Channel’s “Assignment Discovery” frequently depict basic backgrounds of countries or show unusual customs of regions.
Photographs
A digital camera or compact disc recorder can help you relive those satisfying times once your traveling days are over. Whenever I look at my pictures of enormous dinosaur skeletons or my snapshot of Van Gogh’s “Starry, Starry Night,” I re-experience the memorable week we vacationed in New York City and visited the Frick, the Guggenheim, and the Museum of Modern Art.
A friend named Helen has been to more than 70 countries. Her large albums contain pictorial records of each trip, which has allowed her to present travelogue programs for many women’s and church groups. So, even when traveling days are past, you can remind yourself, “Oh, that was such a great time!”
My purpose here is not to discourage travel by seniors; far from it! At age 96, Marie Kellogg, of Lee’s Summit, MO, just returned from South Africa. A few months ago, Leawood Baptist Church sponsored a trip to Israel. One participant was a man over 90. Meaningful, enjoyable travel can be a fulfilling aspect of life even in advanced years. But eventually the limits of our health or strength no longer tolerate safe travel. When that occurs, remember that many wonderful resources can keep you traveling all your days.
Jim Rawdon is a retired pastor and freelance writer who lives in Lee’s Summit, Mo.
By Dave Brown
Kansas Senior Press Service
One of the problems that come with the Internet is “malware.” Fortunately, there are numerous ways to deal with it. The word comes from a combination of malicious and software. It’s a general term that covers any kind of software designed to enter your computer with intent to do harm. Here’s a brief malware primer:
Spam. Spam is junk e-mail. To qualify as spam, a message must be unsolicited. Spam senders pour billions of messages across the Internet each day. Do not try to have your name removed by a spam sender; if you reply, that tells the senders they have a live one on tap. They then gather those names and sell them to other spam generators. Many Internet providers now screen for spam and prevent a lot of it from going through. Why do spam senders do it? Because it doesn’t cost a dime, and every once in awhile they reach a sucker.
Back in mid-November, the volume of spam messages on the Internet plunged by about two-thirds after the connection was cut on a company accused of using its servers to spread billions of the unwanted messages. Internet security firms said the number of spam messages fell by 120 billion per day, to around 60 billion. They warned, however, that many of the spam-spewers would probably find new routes for their distribution.
If you have a Windows computer, you must be on guard all the time to avoid viruses, spyware, Trojan horses and the like. It’s possible to avoid them, but sophisticated attacks need sophisticated tools to remove the infection (see below). Macintosh computers are pretty much immune to viruses and the like, although even they are not immune to spam.
Viruses. The term “computer virus” describes a program that has infected executable software, causing that software, when run, to spread the virus to other executable software.
Spyware. Spyware is software, sneaked onto your personal computer without your knowledge, that can report back just about anything you do on your computer. It “spies” on you and can track your passwords, your Social Security number, and your bank account number. It can be controlled with anti-spyware programs.
Trojan horses. When a malicious program is disguised as something innocuous or desirable, users may be tempted to install it without knowing what it does. This is the technique of the Trojan horse virus, or “trojan.”
What can you do?
Dangerous messages can appear like personal appeals from firms you know and trust. That requires you to be especially alert in answering e-mails that appear to come from your bank, your eBay account, or someone else you trust. Be suspicious! Always look at the sender’s address, as it can be a clue. Remember that legitimate firms never ask for your password; they already know it.
Virus protection. Most anti-virus packages contain anti-malware components. No-cost and low-cost tools include:
Go to these sites, read about their advantages and disadvantages, and make up your own mind. They are all effective.
More help
New threats can arise from sectors other than e-mail. What’s needed is a tool to inventory your system software and the state of updates. These tools include:
Specific tools to detect and clean anti-malware include:
Ultimately, any alert computer user can be protected using available software. Need help? Try contacting SenCom, the Senior Computer Users Group of Greater Kansas City, at www.kcseniors.net.
Dave Brown is owner of Database Associates, LLC, in Lenexa. He is a member of the FileMaker Business Alliance and SenCom.
By Barbara Watkins
Kansas Senior Press Service
A review of The Nature of Kansas Lands, edited by Beverley Worster
As February begins, many of us are tired of being cooped up indoors by the winter cold, snow and ice. As a respite from cabin fever, I highly recommend reading The Nature of Kansas Lands, a strikingly beautiful new collection of photos, essays and ecosystem facts edited by Beverley Worster and published by the University Press of Kansas (2008) in partnership with the Kansas Land Trust, a nonprofit organization dedicated to preserving lands of significance in Kansas.
In her preface, Worster, who is president of the Kansas Land Trust, describes the book’s purpose:
… to help readers get to know and understand the impressive diversity of landscapes in this state, to open their eyes to its beauty and complexity. We want to encourage people to explore back country roads, to learn the native grasses and wildlife, and to be more aware of other long-distance travelers, such as the monarch butterflies and the many species of birds, that depend on this place for rest and sustenance during their migrations.
Donald Worster echoes and expands on these sentiments in his foreword:
The book’s collaborators … take us down seldom-traveled roads or trails to quiet ponds, remnant prairies, and wetlands where fellow beings … live their lives more or less as they have for thousands of years …. Excursions into the more natural parts of the state can offer lessons in how to build a sustainable life, how to use resources efficiently, how to solve difficult problems, and how to make our lives a work of grace and beauty.
The heart of this book is a collection of 17 essays on waterways, woodlands, grasslands, farmlands and high plains by Elizabeth Schultz. One of my favorites describes the pond in the Fitch Natural History Reservation northeast of Lawrence, a secluded, wooded area that once belonged to the Delaware Indians and later to Kansas’ first governor, Charles Robinson. I have visited it often and love it dearly.
In another essay, as she watches the Kaw meander sluggishly in August, Schultz quotes Langston Hughes, who grew up in Lawrence and whose first published poem, “The Negro Speaks of Rivers,” says, “My soul has grown deep like the rivers.” For many of us, rivers do help define our personal history.
In describing the Wakarusa Wetlands at twilight in October, Schultz comments that “[w]hen the light changes there’s a chance that the most familiar place may become unknown …. You don’t turn off your eyes at dusk, … but like the animal that you are and like the animals who surround you … your sense of smell and sound intensify in the gathering darkness.”
Although, as Schultz asserts, “a winter field is all subtlety,” spring brings great transformation. While hiking the Dornwood nature trail in Shawnee County in March, she is dazzled by “the fuchsia haze of redbuds, ubiquitous in town and countryside, the distinguishing feature of Kansas spring.” On another spring day in Greenwood County, watching smoke from prairie burn-offs, she comments, “I felt like I had been in touch with all the elements — earth, water, fire, and air …. I rolled down the windows and let the meadowlarks sing in to celebrate elemental loveliness.”
Edward C. Robison’s stunning color photographs of Kansas landscapes and Kyle Gerstner’s wildlife close-ups complement the essays, as do ecosystem sidebars about wildlife, wetlands, and weather; agriculture; grasslands; and ecological facts by biologist Kelly Kindscher. Did you know, for example, that the Cheyenne Bottoms is one of the most important stopover sites for migrating shorebirds in the North American interior, and its neighbor, the Quivira National Wildlife Refuge, is a staging area for more than 500,000 birds during spring migration?
This impressive book entices us to explore and enjoy the natural treasures of our state. Profits from its salewill support the Kansas Land Trust’s preservation of Kansas lands.
Barbara Watkins, retired from University of Kansas Continuing Education, is an avid and accomplished gardener, birder, and director of outdoor excursions—preferably involving wine.
<Sidebar>
More good books on Kansas & nature
Exploring the KawValley: A Guide to the Natural and Historic Treasures of the Kansas RiverValley. Lynn Byczynski and Timothy J. Kent. Lawrence, Kan: Breadbasket Publishing, 2002, paperback.
Watching Kansas Wildlife: A Guide to 101 Sites. Bob Gress and George Potts. Lawrence, Kan.: University Press of Kansas, 1993, paperback.
Kansas Revisited: Historical Images and Perspectives, 3rd edition. Paul K. Stuewe, ed. University of Kansas Continuing Education, 2004, paperback.
These articles are also available electronically at the Center on Aging Website: http://www2.kumc.edu/coa/Senior_Press_Article/Topic_Index.htm