Kansas Senior Press Service Weekly Newsletters Kansas Senior Press Service Weekly Newsletters By: Carol Roeder-Esser
As we go through life, one of the most difficult challenges we all face is loss—and the grief that comes with it.
The loss of a loved one or a pet, the loss of health, even the loss of hopes and dreams can trigger feelings of grief. Some losses come suddenly, such as a death related to an auto accident. Others, such as a death after a long illness, give us time to prepare. Even then we have feelings in anticipation of the loss and after the loss occurs. Whenever we lose something important to us, we are likely to grieve.
The process of grief affects everything. You may find yourself feeling angry, sad, frustrated, anxious, and scared. You may find that your thoughts race or it’s hard to focus or concentrate. You might have difficulty sleeping or eating. Some people describe having a “broken heart.” Some say they feel numb. Some just want to escape the pain.
It’s called a grief process because it takes awhile to work through all the feelings. In many ways, it’s a process of healing. And healing takes time, no matter what the wound is.
While many people have described the process of grief, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is probably best known for her research in this area. She describes stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Most people don’t go neatly from one stage to the next. The process is more of a cycle, people going through stages more than once or lingering in some stages longer than others. And almost any emotion imaginable may be felt. Some people describe feeling as though they are “going crazy” because they are behaving in ways they never have before.
There is no “correct” way to experience grief. While some may cry, others may become quiet and withdrawn. Many people have family or religious rituals that are important to their coping with the loss. People need to be allowed to express the grief they feel in their own unique way. It can be helpful to look at your style of coping with painful events in the past to determine what has worked for you.
Many people who are grieving feel isolated. Immediately after a loss, friends and family often are around to help and be supportive. As time goes by and the shock of the loss fades, there is a tendency for family and friends to avoid mentioning the loss for fear that they will cause more pain. Some simply don’t know what to say or do. However, most grieving people say that they really want to talk about their loss, even if they feel sad, and that they appreciate the showing of concern.
So, when you are grieving, ask your family and friends for support. Many find it helpful to join a grief support group. Get counseling if the feelings become overwhelming. Take care of yourself. Eat good foods. Get enough rest. Exercise. Do things you enjoy. Take time to relax. Most of all, be patient with yourself and let yourself feel the feelings. After all, you’ve lost something that was very important to you.
Carol Roeder-Esser, LSCSW, is a program specialist with the Johnson County Mental Health Center.
By: Julie R. Brookhart
Do you have diabetes, or does someone you love? If so, you should know that Medicare covers a number of screenings, services, and supplies to help you stay as healthy as possible. Proper diagnosis and treatment of diabetes can make a big difference in your quality of life.
People who have already been diagnosed with diabetes may take advantage of Medicare benefits like these:
See the difference Medicare-covered services made in the life of one senior with diabetes:
“I was admitted to the hospital with a blood sugar of 1,000. With that level, I could have suffered a diabetic coma, but with the help of the resident dietician, my blood sugar decreased to between 89 and 120. By incorporating better food choices, I’ve lost 35 pounds and have controlled my blood sugar. I am off my insulin completely, my diabetic pill dosage has been cut in half, my energy level has increased, and I’ve eliminated symptoms of numbness and blurred vision.”
Even if you don’t have diabetes now, Medicare covers tests to check for diabetes for people who have risk factors such as high blood pressure, obesity, dyslipidemia (history of abnormal cholesterol and triglyceride levels), or a history of high blood sugar. Other risk factors may also qualify you for this test, and based on the results, you may be eligible for up to two screenings each year.
Look for a Medicare event called “A Healthier U.S. Starts Here” in your area to learn more about Medicare preventive health services. For more information on Medicare coverage of diabetes supplies and services, visit www.medicare.gov on the Web. Under “Search Tools,” select “Find a Medicare Publication” to look at, or print the booklet titled “Medicare Coverage of Diabetes Supplies and Services.” You may also call 800-633-4227 to ask for a free copy by mail. TTY users should call 877-486-2048.
Julie Brookhart is public affairs specialist with the Kansas City Regional Office of the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services: 816-426-6312; julie.brookhart@cms.hhs.gov.
By: Lynn Anderson
Through newspaper or magazine articles, financial advice shows, or friends, you’ve probably heard about the almost-too-good-to-be-true “reverse mortgages.” They are good—if your circumstances are exactly right and your goals are a good fit with the reverse mortgage concept.
A “reverse” mortgage is a loan against your home that you do not have to pay back for as long as you live there. With a reverse mortgage, you can turn the value of your home into cash without having to move or repay the loan each month.
Imagine being a person on a fixed Social Security income or pension. You obtain a reverse mortgage. You then pay off your existing mortgage and do not make a monthly mortgage payment anymore. The lack of a mortgage payment frees-up money each month to purchase medicine or make needed home repairs.
If you already own your home, you can just cash out that money and keep it in a line of credit. Or you can receive a monthly payment for life or a monthly payment for 10 years, to help cover your day-to-day expenses.
No matter how the loan is paid out to you, you typically don’t have to pay anything back until you die, sell your home, or permanently move out of your home. To be eligible for most reverse mortgages, you must own your home and be 62 years of age or older.
To qualify for most loans, the lender checks your income to see how much you can afford to pay back each month. But with a reverse mortgage, you don’t have to make monthly repayments. So you don’t need a minimum amount of income to qualify for a reverse mortgage. You could have no income and still be able to get a reverse mortgage.
With most home loans, you could lose your home if you don’t make your monthly payments. But with a reverse mortgage, there aren’t any monthly repayments to make.
Traditional ‘forward’ mortgage. You can see how a reverse mortgage works by comparing it to a “forward” mortgage—the kind you use to buy a home. Both types of mortgages create debt against your home, and both affect how much equity or ownership value you have in your home. But they do so in opposite ways.
“Debt” is the amount of money you owe a lender. It includes cash advances made to you or for your benefit, plus interest. “Home equity” means the value of your home (what it would sell for) minus any debt against it. For example, if your home is worth $150,000 and you still owe $30,000 on your mortgage, your home equity is $120,000.
When you purchased your home, you probably made a down payment and borrowed the rest of the money. Then you paid back your traditional mortgage loan every month over many years. During that time, your debt decreased and your home equity increased. As you made each repayment, the amount you owed (your debt or “loan balance”) grew smaller. But your ownership value (your “equity”) grew larger. If you eventually made a final mortgage payment, you then owed nothing, and your home equity equaled the value of your home. In short, your forward mortgage was a “falling debt, rising equity” type of deal.
‘Reverse’ mortgage. Reverse mortgages have a different purpose. With a reverse mortgage, you are taking the equity out in cash, so your debt increases and your home equity decreases. It’s just the opposite of a forward mortgage.
With a reverse mortgage, the lender sends you cash and you make no repayments. So the amount you owe (your debt) gets larger as you get more and more cash and more interest is added to your loan balance. As your debt grows, your equity shrinks, unless your home’s value is growing at a high rate.
When a reverse mortgage becomes due and payable, you may owe a lot of money and your equity may be very small. If you have the loan for a long time, or if your home’s value decreases, there may not be any equity left at the end of the loan. In short, a reverse mortgage is a “rising debt, falling equity” type of deal.
But that is exactly what informed reverse mortgage borrowers want: to “spend down” their home equity while they live in their homes, without having to make monthly loan repayments.
If a home’s value grows rapidly, your equity could increase over time. Or, if you only get one loan advance and no interest is charged on it, your debt would never change. So your equity would grow as your home’s value increases. But most home values don’t grow at consistently high rates, and interest is charged on most mortgages. So the majority of reverse mortgages end up being “rising debt, falling equity” loans.
Reverse mortgages can be a great resource for people over age 62 if they have already used all their other resources and need more money to cover prescriptions and other medical needs. A reverse mortgage may also allow an older adult to pay property taxes and homeowner’s insurance while operating within a fixed income. In general, a reverse mortgage can be a good resource—but only if you really need it.
Marilyn Stanley, of Housing and Credit Counseling, Inc., a nonprofit organization, provides extensive counseling to elders who are considering a reverse mortgage.
“Sometimes clients don’t realize all of the costs involved in a reverse mortgage until they have the counseling session,” Stanley said. “Other times they have already spoken to a lender, who has explained in great detail all of the costs involved.”
On the Web, visit www.aarp.org/money and click on the “Reverse Mortgagees” link for more information on the costs involved.
Said Stanley, “It is our job to make sure the clients understand all of the costs involved and are educated on any other options and alternatives that might help them, based on their individual situation.”
Counseling is a requirement before receiving a reverse mortgage (see below). Counselors who have passed the qualifying AARP Reverse Mortgage Project exam may provide counseling nationwide.
Many homeowners become interested in reverse mortgages so they can stay in their own homes. Selling their homes and moving elsewhere are generally not very appealing to most older people. But, according to AARP, “The single best way to evaluate a reverse mortgage is to compare it to what may be your only option: selling your home and using the proceeds to buy or rent a new home.”
AARP suggests that you determine these facts:
For your own peace of mind, look into what else might be available. It doesn’t hurt to explore all your options before making a decision. Most likely you will come to one of two conclusions:
No matter what you conclude, you will have a much better idea of the overall costs—and benefits—of staying versus moving. That will give you a better sense of what is most important to you. And then it should be easier for you to evaluate the costs and benefits of a reverse mortgage.
AARP: www.aarp.org/money/revmort
Housing and Credit Counseling, Inc.; 800-383-0217 or 785-234-0217; www.hcci-ks.org
Lynn Anderson is the editor of The Best Times, a monthly newspaper provided for all Johnson County residents aged 60 and over.